I was 19 years old, fresh from the university. After enduring 3 years, I can finally erase the first on my bucket list.
Finishing my undergraduate studies was my first taste of freedom. With much idealism, I believed I can conquer the world. I have so many dreams, so many plans. I will apply in prestigious schools, earn big, save up, travel, and, perhaps, get married.
But, I have to step on my brakes. I have to continue with the Masters program. In as much as I wanted to work and earn full-time, the program I was in wouldn’t permit me. It was not the regular MA programs that requires you to come on Saturdays. I have to attend classes on weekdays. I couldn’t complain. It was free anyway.
While studying every Tuesdays and Fridays, I applied for a part-time teaching job. It was a small school-house for preschoolers. I was the only hired teacher. I applied thinking I can learn from her. It didn’t turn out that way. Apparently, I was hired so she can take a rest on the days that I would come. I was not even oriented on what the schedules for the different classes were. I learned through the maid and the kids. They have books to answer, it got me so bored.
My MA was also taken for granted. I did attend classes and submitted requirements but I didn’t do it wholeheartedly. I came just for the attendance. I was able to finish all academic units but the thesis was put on hold. I tried researching for topics but I realized it wasn’t easy. I was not mentally ready. No matter how hard I tried looking, I couldn’t think of any topic I was interested in.
I never got around to do it. Up until now, the topic I need was a big question mark. I have classmates who were able to finish. Working became more important for me. I have to work to earn money.
The 19 year old fresh grad lost her drive to finish the MA program. I do have regrets but there’s nothing else I can do about the past. I’ll just have to make do with what I have right now and what I can do for my tomorrows.
And yeah, I was really that thin 5 years ago. *sigh*